UpJourney / How to Ask Someone to Be Your Mentor, 25+ Amazing Tips

Maki Moussavi, MS

Transformational Coach | Speaker | Author

Throughout our professional careers, we form relationships with mentors and trusted advisors. If we’re lucky, we find the one or two people who become like co-creators on our professional journey, the go-to people that we want to consult with whenever faced with a challenge, fork in the road, or growth opportunity.

When we get results, we learn to trust our mentors and seek them out as needed. In many ways, this is healthy behavior. It shows that we have the self-awareness to know when we need help and to feel comfortable asking for it.

However, it’s important to be aware of when you allow the advice of others to trump your own intuition when it comes to the best way to address a situation.

As a professional, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that people who’ve had a certain level of success are “ahead” of you, that they’ve been at it longer; therefore they know better and whatever they tell you to do should be your next move.

It’s practically accepted as gospel in our professional culture that you should emulate others who’ve found success to create your own. But this ignores the reality that professional success doesn’t have a formula and that what works for someone else may not work for you.

Success comes to those who find what works for them. They play to their strengths, find people who complement the other areas and find a mode of operation that works for them personally.

You and your mentor(s) are not the same people. You don’t have the same strengths. Be open to trying someone else’s way but do so with the mindset that it’s an experiment. Try what they suggest, but be willing to make adjustments, or to follow the gut feeling that says “NO” if the advice truly doesn’t align with you.

Beyond professional success, remember that your mentor is a human being.

If you have prioritized personal development, make sure your mentor has done the same. It’s common for successful professionals to be driven by the need for validation and recognition from others, which can lead to an excessive focus on people-pleasing and “managing up” while completely ignoring what they want or need.

Their personal definition of success may be one-dimensional, with a focus on tangible achievements, such as title and salary, rather than holistic fulfillment that takes the personal and professional into consideration equally.

Do not settle for that one-dimensional view of success because “that’s just how it is.” You get to decide how it is for you.

Here are some things to watch for in a current/potential mentor:

Watch how they make decisions, and whether they tend to err on the side of following the rules rather than acting from authenticity.

Is fear a driving factor or a matter of fact? In other words, does your mentor acknowledge that there may be risk involved and encourage you to move forward thoughtfully, or is the feared outcome to be avoided at all costs? Is the focus on making sure higher-ups are pleased and hear what they want to hear, or on telling the truth in an empowered way with a plan for action even if the news is not good news?

Are you at the center of the advice given?

Does the mentor know your strengths well and advise based on what they know to be right about you, or do they advise you to emulate and do what they would do?

How do they respond when someone disagrees with them?

Is there dialog, or do they shut down? Do you feel comfortable expressing your own concerns and thoughts?

Are your best interests the priority?

The best mentors are those concerned with your well-being, regardless of whether that means you stay or leave your place of employment.

Most of all, trust yourself.

You know yourself better than anyone else does. Even with the best and most influential mentors around you, you are the ultimate decider of what needs to happen next. Remember that failure is an illusion. You can’t fail.

Every time something doesn’t go the way you expect, you learn and incorporate that information for your next move. A solid mentor will continue to hold the vision of your potential until you believe it.

Original post found here.