| The List | How to know if you're in an emotionally abusive relationship

The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence reports on their domestic violence fact sheets that almost 20 people are physically abused by a partner every single minute. Nationally, domestic violence hotlines across the country get about 20,800 calls every day. The numbers are staggering, and it's very disturbing to think about all the people who live in an abusive relationship because they don't feel they can get out, are afraid or too depressed to leave.

Elise Lopez, researcher in sexual and domestic violence at The University of Arizona, says, "Relationship abuse isn't always physical. Emotional abuse can be hard to spot because it encompasses many behaviors, like excessive jealousy, that we've been socially conditioned to think are normal signs of love and affection." You might not even know you're in an abusive relationship, but you may feel like something is wrong. You may feel sad, scared, confused or angry and not know why. Oftentimes when people feel like this, it is because they are paired with an abusive partner, or at the very least being subjected to abusive treatment. Here are some things that denote an abusive relationship. If you experience any of these things, please seek help. You don't deserve to be mistreated.

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You've asked for nicer words, but your partner won't listen

Nobody likes mean, loud or angry words. You don't want to be talked to harshly. And you've told your partner that. But it doesn't make any difference. Dr. Helen Odessky, clinical psychologist and author, told me that when your partner uses language that is hurtful to you and you've already let them know, yet they won't stop — it's abuse.

Katie Kozlowski, a self love and relationship coach with expertise in the areas of abuse and trauma, says "If there are verbal patterns or phrases that make you feel afraid, hurt, silence or shameful, chances are there is some emotional and verbal abuse going on and you have the right to speak up or get out of the relationship." But what if you do speak up, and nothing changes?

April Masini, relationship and etiquette expert and author, says, "Emotional abuse requires a victim, and if you don't allow yourself to play that role, you're gong to be able to get out of the pattern of abuse." But Masini says that you have to follow through with refusing to stick around if your partner won't stop the verbal abuse. She says you can do so by "actively and deliberately foster relationships with people who are not abusive. Replace any abusive relationships with healthy ones." Joining a support group, or seeing a therapist will help you make these positive changes in your life.

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