Medium/ When the Deadline for the Three Day Notice-to-Quit is Tomorrow

“The evening of the 15th, I open the front door to walk to the mailbox. After getting the mail, I turn around to go back inside, and see an envelope taped to the front of our door. I know whatever is inside the envelope can’t be good. The mailman never tapes anything to our door, nor do the neighbors. Only the property owner tapes paperwork to the door. This way you can’t say you didn’t receive it.”

“I hesitantly pull the envelope off the front door and walk back inside. I have a good idea of what’s inside the envelope, and I’m scared to open it. I walk into the bathroom for privacy, stand in front of the mirror and look at myself.”

“Who have I become?”

“I am a nervous wreck, with bad credit, no emergency fund and no light in my face. The youthful spark in my eyes is gone. My face looks tired, worn down — without reason to smile.”

“What have I done? How have I become this person?”

“After looking over my calculations of what we owe in back rent, I compare our total to that of the property owner and find that we owe more than what she has calculated. I respond with a letter to acknowledge our receipt of the Notice-to-Quit. I clarify the amount we owe, and ask if we can pay down the balance by (maybe) having my husband make repairs on the building.”

“I finish writing the letter, pack the kids in the car and drive 15 minutes to the property owner’s house. I surreptitiously park a few doors down from her house and quickly walk to her front porch. I quietly open the mailbox lid, drop the letter inside and carefully close the lid so she won’t know I’m outside. A face-to-face conversation would be too uncomfortable and awkward. I can barely look myself in the eyes. I hurry off the porch, get into the car and return home.”

“Throughout the evening, I anxiously go through our routine and wonder if she has checked her mailbox. Around 9pm I get the kids into bed, wash the dinner dishes and go into our bedroom to sit down to meditate.”

“As I sit in complete silence, my mind is unusually still. I affirm, “I happily pass this on. I am now free to be because I don’t need to be in control of everything.”

“I continue to sit in silence. I notice lightness moving around within me. I feel calm, with a sense of gratitude. I finally understand I need to give thanks in my darkest hour. I felt immense gratitude to know I do not need to bear this on my own; it is okay to release the burden of trying to figure out what to do. I don’t need any more of my “plug the hole” tricks. In this moment, there is nothing else I alone can do. It is time to understand the difference between letting go and giving up.”

“In receiving the Notice-to-Quit, I will not try to “plug another hole”. This is beyond my realm of tricks. I am tired, and weary, and have had enough of this mental fatigue. I am ready to let go.”

“For years, I’ve been trying to “plug holes in a dam” that would inevitably break. One “hole” represents the back rent payments, another “hole” represents how to keep ourselves fed, and another is me trying to find a good work scenario. I am running around like a mouse in a maze constantly asking myself, “What else should I do to change this? What more can be done?” I make desperate telephone calls to bill collectors and write letters to extend payment deadlines. I explain why I need help, and continue to ask in a state of anxiety.”

“I recall one morning I prayed to win the California Super Lotto. I thought ‘maybe I haven’t said ‘please’ enough times for my request to be granted.’ That morning I sat on my bed for 15 minutes and said, “Please, please, please, please, please, let me win the Super Lotto. Please, please….” Needless to say, I didn’t win the lotto.”

“Now of course, I’m not saying when something of this nature occurs that you hide under the bed covers and release all personal responsibility. That’s not what I did. I was unemployed and had been looking for work for an extensive period of time.”

“For months, I would go to the local public library to use the computers to submit my resume online to open positions. To no avail, I applied to positions in which I was over qualified as well as those for which I was under qualified. I relentlessly applied to general administrative positions that were a match for my skills and qualifications. I even inquired about open positions for employment in person. However, I was routinely instructed to go online and submit the application. If you haven’t had the experience of applying for work online, let me tell you, it seems hopeless. When you hit ‘send’ or ‘apply’ it’s like submitting your resume into a “black hole” where it is lost forever.

“More often than not, the only response I received was the following automated email response”:

“Dear BRIDGITTE,

Thank you very much for your recent submission of interest for the Administrative Assistant II opportunity. Your submission will be reviewed by our recruiting staff soon. Should we determine your qualifications are the best match for this position, we will contact you next. You can also check on the status of your submission by returning to our career site.

Thanks again for your interest in and best of luck with your job search.”

“On some job boards, when you select a position to which you want to apply, you can see how many applicants have already applied for the same position.”

“On one occasion, I looked at a particular administrative position with a well-known entertainment company. More than 15,000 applicants submitted for the position within the first week of the job posting! When I saw the number of applications already submitted, I couldn’t believe that many people were looking for work in the same places I was looking for work. Several times after having spent more than an hour going through an extensive application portal, I discovered that my application was around the 200th submission.”

“Due to the influx of applications, several organizations began to state that applications would be accepted for a certain amount of time and only on a specific date. For example, a secretary position within a local city government department posted the following notice on the Secretary Job description page”:

“Applications will be accepted on November 10th, beginning at 8:30am. Applications will not be accepted after 10:00am on November 10th, or once the first 100 applications have been received.”

“I had to schedule times on my calendar to remember to apply for positions. Looking for a job was a job within itself!”

“And yes, I asked friends for referrals and if they knew of companies that were hiring. On one occasion my best friend referred me to a position at the company where she was a former full time employee.”

“I email my resume for a Financial Compliance Administrative Assistant position to the Compliance Officer who will conduct the interview, and with whom I would work. After the initial telephone interview, we schedule an in-person interview for which I arrive on time and in my best professional attire.”

“When I walk into the office, the Compliance Officer gives me a (very obvious) visual once over and asks me to take a seat. She explains the details of the position, the inner workings of the company, her professional role and the departmental structure. She goes into so much detail until the interview lasts for more than two hours!”

“A few hours after the first in-person interview, I receive an email from the Compliance Officer. She enjoyed our interview. She asks me to write a letter to explain why I want to work with the company and what I will bring to the position. My cover letter already addressed this request, but I guess she wants to read it again. I write the letter and email it to her by 7:30am the next morning. Judging from her response two hours later, she loves it.”

“One day later, I’m called for a second interview to meet my potential departmental co-workers.”

“This interview lasts for three hours! Again it goes well. However, as expected the Compliance Officer is interviewing other candidates and needs a second opinion on prospective candidates.”

“Two days after the second interview, I’m asked to come in for a third interview with the Vice President of the company. I can’t believe how much I am being asked to do for an Administrative Assistant position that pays less than $30,000 per year.”

“By now four days have passed since my last interview. I have not heard anything from the Compliance Officer.”

“My friend, who referred me to the company, has a conversation with the Compliance Officer to see how the hiring process for the position is coming along. The Compliance Officer casually tells my friend she is still conducting interviews because she got the impression I don’t really want the job.”

“What?!”

“After one telephone interview, three in-person interviews, a personal referral from my friend (her former colleague), a letter of interest and five days of not hearing anything from the Compliance Officer, I rescind my application.”

“Dealing with this song-and-dance over and over again is nothing less than discouraging, frustrating and at times unfathomable.”

“Somewhere along the way, while I was tending to children and under the impression I would easily find a job when ready, the hiring process changed. The job market is saturated with individuals who are just as qualified, hungry for work and able bodied as I to do the job. What is designed in the internet to make online applications accessible and convenient has become one of the biggest impediments.”

“As a job seeker, I am in competition with candidates from all walks of life, and also dealing with hiring managers who act as if candidates need to be “Rock Stars”. I have read many job descriptions that literally say, “We’re looking for an administrative Rock Star…” Due to the lack of interview invitations, I also assume other candidates are better at getting their resume past the software algorithms. Algorithms are designed to weed out candidates. Many times resume are not ever viewed by a person. I’m not saying it is impossible to get a job. I’m saying the internet has completely changed the hiring landscape. Simply getting your resume in front of human eyes is a challenge.”

“On top of this is the fact that you also have to deal with those who say, “…you don’t really want a job because you don’t have one. It just couldn’t be that difficult. You could always work at McDonald’s.”

“There were definitely times when I would give up for a period, and then start to look again.”

“Considering my husband works in the construction industry, which is still in the fallout of the economic downturn, it is extremely difficult to make the financial ends meet. He picks up jobs here and there, but work is inconsistent. He gets a job for a brief period of time and then goes for long stretches — weeks and sometimes months — without work. We remain in a perpetual state of trying to “catch up” on the bills and keep food on the table.”

“My main concern is of course our housing situation and the immediate crisis, but beyond that there is another layer underneath a continual situation of living in lack. Am I using this problem, or condition in my life to re-affirm an addiction to fear or to being a victim? In addition to fully letting go, I also need to look at wounded parts of myself which have a more profound role in creating more financial dysfunction than I care to admit.”