Myth: Boundaries will make other people “behave.”
Tip: Boundaries are not about getting other people to behave differently, they are about knowing what you want to allow into your physical, mental, and emotional space, and then taking responsibility for creating more of that.
Myth: Other people need to honor your boundaries.
Tip: If you honor your boundaries it’s more likely that others will too, but even if they don’t, the clarity you have in regards to who you are, what you value, what you stand for, what you need, and what you prefer is what will help you act on your own behalf.
Myth: Boundaries need to be communicated verbally.
Tip: They certainly can be, and sometimes your considered action speaks louder than words.
Myth: You only need to communicate your boundaries once.
Tip: It’s likely that you will have to communicate them more than once, especially with someone who isn’t used to you having them. Again, this is a clarity point. The better and more deeply you know yourself, the more “energetic” your boundaries become and the less you will have to communicate them.
Myth: The best time to think about a boundary you’d like to establish is in the heat of the moment and you’re frustrated, resentful, and angry.
Tip: The best time to think about a boundary you’d like to establish is when you have calmed down and are in a more compassionate frame of mind (although your frustration, resentment, and anger are GREAT reminders or signals that a boundary is appropriate!)
Work through any frustration, resentment, or anger first. Journal (or talk with someone who won’t continue to validate those emotions) until you can get to a space of calm. The reason you are upset is not because of what the other person is doing (or not doing), it’s because you don’t have proper boundaries in place and you haven’t been honoring your truth. Once you have done that, you can better decide what you want your boundary to be.
Myth: Boundaries are about keeping people out (example: going no-contact).
Tip: Boundaries are about being grounded in your truth so that you can handle yourself in a way that you like and respect no matter who is around you or what is happening. Sometimes that will mean walking out or hanging up the phone or maybe even taking an extended break from seeing or speaking to someone.
You’ve got this.