Her View From Home / Sweet Moments in the Chaos of Motherhood Make it All Worth it
March 20

Her View From Home / Sweet Moments in the Chaos of Motherhood Make it All Worth it

What was I thinking?

 

You tighten your entire body and throw yourself onto the ground, screaming and wailing while I try to slow down your sobbing tears. They are running down your face so fast as I see the muscles of your chin tremble, broken apart by short pauses for recovering breaths, before hurling yourself back and starting over.

 

What was I thinking?

 

I told you, I didn’t want you to go up the slide because it was dangerous and bigger kids with a bulldozer mentality were about to come zooming down. You don’t understand. You are only sixteen months. This throwing a fit thing has started this week, turning you, my sensitive, sweet little girl, into a fit thrower. As I try to pick you up and calm you down, patting and rubbing your back, you tighten again trying to escape my arms.

 

What was I thinking?

 

The almost three-year-old is not listening again. She looks at me with that defiant smile, the one where she lights up like a jack-o’-lantern, as she plans to disobey me and be her sassy self. And from a blink of an eye, she goes from sweet and loving, wanting to sit on my lap and cuddle, to this little mean human that wants nothing to do with me.

 

“Mommy, go away, I do it myself,” she says, pushing my hand away.

 

What was I thinking?

 

There is a name for each stage: terrible twos, threenager, and now I have a newborn on the way.

 

What was I thinking?

 

I feel you pushing my tummy from inside your little cocoon. When you stretch or roll around it feels like a tidal wave in my stomach. Your movements are addictive, and I am always waiting for another. You bring a smile to my face out of nowhere, just to know you are there, inside of me. I am now never alone. You are with me when my other two girls close their sleepy eyes for the night. A little being is growing and being nurtured inside of me, and that is beautiful.

 

What was I thinking?

 

The three of us, embrace into a hug at the end of the day, cuddled up together on the couch. You, in my belly, feel the warmth — the love.

 

And this.

 

This moment.

 

This is exactly what I was thinking.

 

This is what makes it all worth it.

 

 

Original post here.

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